Two Great Tastes

With the acquisition of Daisuke Matsuzaka, the Red Sox have a loaded rotation this year. But, as the Onion tells us, they also have something extra:

"If what we've heard is correct, then Matsuzaka indeed possesses a Power Level of well over 9,000," said ESPN's Peter Gammons, struggling to contain his excitement on Tuesday's edition of Baseball Tonight. "Over 9,000! Which, of course, is only to be expected of the ballplayer whom sources say descended into the Underworld to spit in the flaming eye of the Lord of Hell and steal the secret power of the Onikaze, or 'demon-storm' pitch, which tails away nicely from both lefties and righties."

It's the best of both worlds!