Sex Crisis?
Well, we're tackling the issue of God (here and here). Let's return to another old favorite: sex.
In a recent book entitled Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both, author Laura Sessions Strepp discusses the "hookup culture" on college campuses and its effects on young women. The Slate review, which may be more interesting than the book, says the real problem isn't the dissociation of sex and love, but rather the linking of sex, status, and work. Money quote:
The hookup culture is part of a wider ethos of status-seeking achievement. As one girl puts it: "Dating is a drain on energy and intellect, and we are overwhelmed, overprogrammed and overcommitted just trying to get into grad school." So they throw themselves into erotic liaisons with the same competitive zeal they bring to résumé-building... they frame their seemingly explorative sex lives in rigid, instrumental terms, believing that vulnerability of any sort signals a confusing dependence.I'd love to know what everyone thinks of this. So many of our readers are recent college graduates or current graduate students, so doubtless we're informed enough about what's really going on. What's your take on it?
posted by Joshua @ 4:34 PM
2 Comments:
I had read an excerpt of the book in the Washington Post, and my thoughts on it were pretty similar to Slate’s. First my views on the book
1. She followed dozens of women? For one year? You can really predict a trend of out that? That’s considered scientifically accurate?
2. Did she ever stop to think that maybe the way women (and men) act when they’re 19 isn’t indicative of the way they’re going to act at 25?
3. I remember kids in college (not that long ago) forgoing relationships for casual sex. I remember kids in college searching for a serious boy/girlfriend. And shockingly, some of these kids experienced both over four years.
4. Gasp! College kids are confused about love and afraid of commitment! They’re experimenting with sex and their sexuality because they’re not sure of who they are and what they want yet! They’re a little more gun-shy about relationships than their parents given that large numbers of them are children of divorce! These are shocking revelations!
5. No mention of men? No mention of how they act in regards to hooking up/relationships? Not important? It’s only the women who will be scarred for life for not having serious relationships in college? Ok…..
Now, on the Slate article, yes, hooking up is often a status thing. I’d say more in high school than in college, but it can go on for most of a person’s life if they let it. And I don’t think that’s particularly new. A hundred years ago there was fierce competition for who could land the best marriage. Today? It’s who can hook-up with the guy or girl that everyone else wants. In my high school, if you were warring with another girl you’d try and hook up with her boyfriend – a surefire way to humiliate her and brag about your own sexual prowess (I did not participate in this – the Mean Girls-type sexual politics were reserved for the popular kids, of which I was not part) . It’s also a numbers game – there’s intense pressure on teenagers to be actively sexual, or else you’re doing something wrong Also, and probably foremost: insecurity. By managing to attract the attention of someone that is sought-after, you can validate your own sexuality and your own worth. Is this healthy? Of course not. But it happens. Luckily, people can grow out of it as they mature and realize that it’s just not worth the effort to compare your love life to someone else’s. But yeah, I’d definitely say hooking up is one of the many ways that we compete against each other. The hook-up culture is new, but competing over an aspect of sex or sexuality is absolutely not.
I'd have to say that the status/power element of hooking-up is much more true for high school students (at least from what I saw) than for college students. Maybe it's just my personal experience going to a small private Jesuit college, where most people came from private schools, but people were much more interested in their own lives than in competing with someone else. I think for most girls it was just the element of fun, and not really having to worry about consequences... it was dating for the saking of dating and having a sexual relationship. I think Ms. Strepp is overthinking the power issue based on a few people she talked to; I don't think most people are as power-obsessed as it may seem from the expert. Then again, that's just my own personal impressions, so don't quote me on that.
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