A (Regional) Celebration of Life?:
As I've alluded to many times, I grew up in Atlanta, GA and did my undergraduate work in Spartanburg, SC. My graduate studies took me north for the first time to Kalamazoo, MI and now to Burlington, VT. Part of my enjoyment of this peripatetic graduate lifestyle is observing the regional differences in culture. Some aspects like accent and dialect are readily seen/heard, even by those of us who have more of a subtle twang than full-out drawl, but others contrasts are a bit more obscure.
To be more specific, yesterday while I was on the bus to school, we passed a funeral procession headed the opposite direction, and NO ONE STOPPED OR PULLED OVER. While growing up, whenever we saw a funeral procession, everyone on both sides of the road pulled over. In fact, it is Georgia state law to do so, but I think the practice is more out of courtesy and respect than obedience of law (Atlantans notoriously flout speeding laws). Pulling off for a funeral procession is a way of marking a fellow man's passing. In most death rituals, the scale of the ceremony is commensurate with the person's standing in life, so for me, not pulling over for a funeral procession is equivalent to saying that this stranger's life was completely trivial. I was so upset about this that I almost started crying on the bus and did once I got to the office.
I asked my colleagues hailing from NY, PA, MA, and CT what was standard practice around funeral processions, and they were all surprised at the practices in Georgia. Now I'm curious about people's experiences in other states. Is pulling over for funeral processions a strictly Southern practice? This is a very serious issue for me, and I would appreciate if your comments would respect that.
As I've alluded to many times, I grew up in Atlanta, GA and did my undergraduate work in Spartanburg, SC. My graduate studies took me north for the first time to Kalamazoo, MI and now to Burlington, VT. Part of my enjoyment of this peripatetic graduate lifestyle is observing the regional differences in culture. Some aspects like accent and dialect are readily seen/heard, even by those of us who have more of a subtle twang than full-out drawl, but others contrasts are a bit more obscure.
To be more specific, yesterday while I was on the bus to school, we passed a funeral procession headed the opposite direction, and NO ONE STOPPED OR PULLED OVER. While growing up, whenever we saw a funeral procession, everyone on both sides of the road pulled over. In fact, it is Georgia state law to do so, but I think the practice is more out of courtesy and respect than obedience of law (Atlantans notoriously flout speeding laws). Pulling off for a funeral procession is a way of marking a fellow man's passing. In most death rituals, the scale of the ceremony is commensurate with the person's standing in life, so for me, not pulling over for a funeral procession is equivalent to saying that this stranger's life was completely trivial. I was so upset about this that I almost started crying on the bus and did once I got to the office.
I asked my colleagues hailing from NY, PA, MA, and CT what was standard practice around funeral processions, and they were all surprised at the practices in Georgia. Now I'm curious about people's experiences in other states. Is pulling over for funeral processions a strictly Southern practice? This is a very serious issue for me, and I would appreciate if your comments would respect that.
posted by Melanie @ 2:43 PM
6 Comments:
In Texas you yeild to a procession (I think it's a law) but generally you make sure not to impede them in any way. I can barely remember my grandmother's funeral (the only one I've ever been to) but I'm pretty sure we had a Police escort from the funeral home to the Mausoleum (over an hours drive) making sure that we didn't have to stop for any lights or anything else. That's it, though. For all I know this is how it's done evereywhere, but I just don't have much experience with it.
To be honest, I can't remember seeing any funeral processions while living anywhere in the US. my feelings about funerals are that they are rituals not for the dead (after all, they're dead, what do they care?) but for the living. They are important because they help those still living to come to terms with the death, and to find some sort of closure. As such, I think that, much like religion, whatever rituals various people are comforted by, or comfortable with, are the right ones for them. Personally, I tend to think that funerals in America and many other countries tend to be much more dreary than they should be. now I don't mean to trivialize this by mentioning an episode of Star Trek the Next Generation, but there was an episode where they thought Riker was dead, and it was decided that instead of a solemn and mournful ceremony, they would have a celebration, incorporating all the things that had been wonderful about his life. I think this is not a bad idea at all. When I die, I want people to have a good time and remember why they liked me. Then again, that's me, and most other people probably would not feel comfortable with that sort of ceremony. And I as I mentioned first, death rites are for the living, so what gives them comfort should be the criteria.
Actually. after my grandmother's wake, somebody described the party as "the liveliest that house has been since they (my grandparents) moved there." That was about right. But that was perfect.
I studied Death Rituals my senior year of college, and yes, American death ritual is the anomaly among world religions, primarily for the lack of secondary burials.
I was surprised by the relative lack of pomp associated with the procession I saw yesterday, consider a police car led the procession, followed by a fire truck with its lights on, and then the hearse, limo, and associated cars. It was very obviously a funeral procession. Perhaps it's just not a New Englad custom. Although come to think of it, I saw a similar phenomenon in Michigan, too.
I haven't had the opportunity to yield to a funeral procession, and I don't believe it's New Hampshire law. I will certain to yield in the future, though, and I thank you for enlightening me on the matter.
As for the general topic of 'death ritual,' I agree that American ritual is too somber. Socratic, please rejoice in our shared dorkiness : the first thing I thought of was the episode of ST:TNG when Riker and Ensign Rho are invisible and presumed dead. That wake, if I remember correctly, had a New Orleans flair.
Shouldn't that be the point of a service? To remember what the person was really about and maybe even to smile a bit? I know that the ceremony is, in a real sense, for those left behind. But it's not about those left behind.
Personally - and I hope this isn't taken as macabre or insensitive - I've thought about what I would like my memorial service to be like. I think there should be lots of music, and everyone should talk about how life-changing meeting me was! I think everyone's memorial service should be like that - people getting up when they are inspired to share something true about the departed beloved. Something that says "here's what they were like, and you can always remember that."
That's why I was affected by Boudicca's story of the procession. Precisely because it was so impersonal and dehumanizing to speed right by it as the drivers did. This was a person! The least you can do is recognize that.
As an update, I now realize that Vermonters (particularly Burlingtonites) do not pull over for ANYTHING. I was on my way home yesterday, and an ambulance was trying to get through to the hospital, and no one pulled over to let an ambulance through. Finally the ambulance was able to get through after some people slowed down enough for the ambulance to pass them. Despicable.
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